Round figure

Round figure-the word has cost me 9 rupees.

In order to attend a meeting in kukatpally, i boarded a bus and ticket to that place is 11 rupees. I took out two ten rupee notes. He(the bust conductor) started demanding and lecturing me at the same time how could he run the bus without minimum change if take all the change he got. Of course I suspect that(bells rang). But, I shrugged. So, He wrote it on the back of the ticket that 9 rupees has to be returned . Thinking it as an insurance for my 9 rupees I took it happily .

I continued my journey which is of 40min. It usually takes more time than usual, envisage the hyderabad traffic.
So, when the my turn came to get down, I finally went to claim my 9 rupees by showing the ticket or waving more precisely . I can see his disgust face. He looked at me like I was asking his 9 rupees. He finally said " You ought to bring change , I don't have it " . (while searching his bag). I argued very politely ( may be because of my nature) " It's been 40 min, how come you don't have any change? " . It hit him, unknowingly or indirectly I demanded the honesty in previous dialogue of his. I can sense that I'm going to make a scene in the bus with him. (Seriously I feel awkward, a part of me said 'let it go'). He finally cut me off. " Then sit another 40 min and hope that I'll get enough coins."

I started cursing my self first at not handling the case well,of course i'm not a good talker. But, i want to change that way. My practice had failed, i felt. But a part of me started thinking.

Why the hell the price of a ticket would have to be like this ? If you've seen other ticket fares. 11,13,15,19,

I saw that all are odd numbers. Damn! how could the govt. has come down to these fares. I cursed the accountant who had used the methodology so perfect including taxes and all that. But thinking of the people or passengers, it's not fair. I'm not talking solely based on my facts. But, every other time most of the people won't have the exact fare. isn't it? . yes it is. so, the conductors should not be blamed , yes he was right from the first time. I understood. I thought some body would raise this concern and reach the ear of that accountant to understand the little little serious things.

At the end I got down, having a soft smile and listening to the new songs, headed for the meeting. From the stack of memories flashed . One is: Once the conductor stopped the bus and ordered me to get down , when i showed him the hundred rupee note for the ticket fare of 6 rupees. From now on I need to change and think of these change of coins ahead of the travel.

Genunine fan?

What is to be a fan of an actor/actress?
Is it becoming biased?
Or they watch anything just because that person is being cast in that movie?
It is obsession. I guess.
What is actually meant by a fan or liking merely! Is it just carried away by what do you call charisma or acting skills?  Becoming-a-fan idea should come from with in , that has to be your thought, isn't it? It should not be by your surrounding environment of pals or mates. I have seen people . They persuade themselves by behaving as the particular actor's fan. Of course, even i went through that.

In school my group friends are all fans of pawan kalyan(telugu movie star!). so did I.
I thought then, if i had had friends who are ntr(Anti-actor) fans, i would have become one of those,is not it quite simple? One must think of his interests. May not be stated, but self realizing  is good, else one can be carried away by anything.

This quote is a good one- If you do not stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

Being a fan doesn't mean biased. The reason behind may be - one can't accept the fact/ or they went too far away so that they can't make up again or they 've become mentally aged that caused laziness to their brains.

I've to learn  and be open .

Power not to Give-up

The power of not giving up that matters. I said to my friend don't give up soon, i am not advising you but sharing what I have experienced.

You know, I think kinda I give up too early. So, better you don't give up so soon like me.

He(my friend) posed me a question that is rather typical . If you know that you are going to lose anyway, then what will you do then?

Still won't give up , huh?

 I froze with thinking there.

Then a memory of naruto episode came across in my mind!

 When he fought neji, he was not thinking whether he wins or loses. He was thinking of the next plan, his next move or rather next attack. Everybody knew he was going to lose back then, He didn't give up because he never thought of losing .

That's what the difference I guess. When it comes to me , my neurons begin thinking like what happens when i lose .

So, automatically some neurons won't work for me to plan the next move which is important. I should not think like that.

 I keep on thinking of the next step , which has to be better implemented by me than implemented by yesterday-me. This one of ways to get Power not to Give-up.

Slavery's origin : Unability to think , sort out and reason.

Slavery prevails when one loses belief in oneself and one exploits the belief-loser , may not be by commanding but by soothing words also. First comes the thinking part.

It appeared to me that i was going into that way. Recently,I started working in religare franchisee as a dealer or may be an operator as per my owner. I don't know any subject and i din't have any practical experience when I took up this one. As an amateur , i behaved like that. Of course , i'm not a charlton type guy. So, any one can understand by seeing my face that this guy is so new to this job and he doesn't know anything. Of course, I was learning. My boss took the advantage of this and he used me to do office boy's work . At first , it was quite embarrassing for me to do like that. But,eventually got habituated for me. Of course ,I din't carry any grudge on him. That was my fault after all,isn't it? Yes, I should have told him before, i'm not doing that kinda shit . I 've taken this job hoping to do as dealer not this boy's work. I thought and reasoned out myself .

May be I used to give more respect like he granted that job so that I owe him my life.
May be I wasn't thinking properly when a question was posed to me, so that I gave a doubtful look , they concluded themselves this guy needs more practice.
May be my emotions took control of my situation, why? May be I was feeling more that they should feel I'm worthy and i deserve this job.That's why I couldn't think.

I couldn't bare the job , I waited for the month to pass. Waiting to taste the freedom, day dreamt of the corporate job more than twice a day.I thought to quit. And I want to tell him directly. I couldn't. I started thinking on the day I 'm writing this why I couldn't. I felt like some invisible threads attached. I felt like, I didn't get rid of that job . A part of me is feeling some fear that something might go wrong and again I wound up myself in same job. Why I was feeling like that ? A part of me thought i owe him for granting that job. May be something else.what ever, I quit that .

You'll become slave when you don't think, sort out and find reason. In my view, what ever the situation may be give your brain a try that means one should think of. Don't think of owing emotionally, take it as a business thing.


I find myself things in myself. From this, I'm giving over respect, of course it's good some may exploit the situation and i can't bear it afterwards. So, I should n't overreact and shouldn't give more respect at the first . Observe and understand the things going around. And, don't be soft to anybody one should change according to the situation , if you can't , learn how to change.

fan out - fan in

plz dont think in deep regarding fan in - fan out title . Just gave a random thought .

I imagined my heart as made of rooms . One room for whom i became a fan .

So, after watching genelia in happy movie . She entered and wallpapers changed ( on original wall and also cell phone wall) . She was like a always-babbling angel. My friend shah is a crazy fan of her. He made his email id as 'shahgene' looking wierd but sounds good. Then after months , the wall papers were torn apart into pieces . Some thing happened and started disliking her. . . Genelia out Samanthaprabhu in . .

If you happen to look closely her action , you will see her moving her head sideways with small angles- when delivering a sentimental one(its cute) . More over she played roles better. And i started thinking of changing the wallpaper with samantha's . . .

Just yesterday fortunately saw nithya menon 's profile . . Samantha out and nithya menon in . . .


Pschologically it is a trash . So.got rid of wallpapers , downloaded BUDDHA's wall. After all peace has to come from with-in , not with out .

Ula ula

I don't know what I'm writing. Yes, you read it right. I don't know . I'm writing 'coz i want to write something here . Because long long ago I wrote a post. And I want to write some more . What should i write here? Do I want fame by promoting my own blogs and get appraisal for my good writing skills ? or Simply I m writing here because this is my space. I think I should go for the second one.

I feel like I 've lost energy in my left hand after typing the first paragraph. But still I'm not going to give up . Yeah! Naruto told me so not to.

I'm getting angry for no reason. I hate and I like persons at the same time. Ha, But one thing is sure. I'm loosing my sulky side of mine. Of course that has got a reason behind. When we are through our youth, emotional brain becomes weak because some neurons die in Prefrontal cortex , I read it. Yesterday, I came across a quote by Buddha -"To understand everything is to forgive everything " . So thinkable quote , I feel. I got my posture back.

Where the hell I'm getting into? I ain't got any idea.
Every question has got an answer and so do problem with solution. Is it real ??

I feel like i'm living a life with full of illusions . No no , I was. I 'm not right now. I guess.
Acquiring love was my first priority but not now.