Villains

I can feel it.

It seems I have my own villains inside me. They always try to conquer my consciousness and rationality. I can feel them taking over my body. They are pushing me, they want control. Why? They have needs, they are not rational. Who are they? I don't know. They are there from the beginning ? I don't know. They birthed recently or because of a prolong activity.

Your greatest villain will hide in the last place you would ever look. I can feel mine, hiding, waiting to destroy me right at the prime moment. Will I win over them? Let's see. 

Can I ?

These days (Jan 29) of my life are on preparing for GEPI for MBA. Faculty at Place team seems doesn't like my attitude or my work. I have always let him down at all his given assignments. I need to introspect to answer all those questions. Those are about any events in life related to management. It was bad, I am feeling low, very low. I don't know why I can't answer all those. Today it was too much, tears almost came.

While I was coming home two instances flashed into my mind.

One is of my mother sitting in front of TV watching food channels with her head titled to side. She doesn't have anything cheerful goes on in her daily life. Always looks sad, disappointed or waiting for her son to bring any light to her life... waiting...

Second is of my father, sitting in the corner part of the kitchen on a chair and looking out of the window and doing nothing. He just looks on and on.... waiting....

I haven't done anything to uplift the financial or healthy things for them so far. I am 25 years old.

Now after CAT I thought I have a chance, but I am afraid I'll fail... Failing.... 

Crazy or what ?

I've this different habit or I don't know what should I call it. I generally don't search for songs or music. But more often , some songs freeze me and strikes me in mind. And I listen to them on loop for some days and then I may be forget about them. May be this is called as 'moment freezing us', right now, I'm listening to 'Arcade Fire, Deep Blue' song, which was a credits track of the film BOYHOOD.

This isn't the first time. But I want to save this.