Maturity

Maturity. You don't feel this word until you face uncertainty or the situations that challenge the maturity you already have it. As long as you are in safe position or doing nothing or cowardly deluding yourself that you are in peace, you can't be mature. I felt this, as I was forced to uncertainty. I know and I read things how to act in those situations. But, I couldn't . I acted less logically with less sense, I can say. This is not aligned to my arguments.

Just read "The sense of an Ending" by Julian barnes second time. This book has created an impact. And made me think. He is right in many things.

I must face the situations or I must get practical counsel. I can get this word my experience not by just reading the principles and all other stuff. I remember someone's article regarding the importance of forgetting curve. We learn so many things or stuff but don't apply or implement. He argued that, you must implement and forget that and invent new one. This is the concept of forgetting curve.

Relationship

I felt disturbed. Something pinching me from inside. And its compulsive.

I would have felt down hearted if I had not asked that money owed to me, again. Why couldn't I do that asking before? May be I'm shy. I used to feel like its prohibited dont-cross-the-lines. May be I'm that kind of a person who doesn't know how to say no.

I think I know now. I misunderstood the very basics of relationship between a relationship and money.
A relationship is combination of understanding and a mixture of emotions. I must not value it with money. But, what do the authors mean when they say investing in a relationship. How can I invest? I must invest love. As I have learned from Ms.Preeti shenoy(author), a relationship depends or a bond depends on how much love you give in. No matter what, I must express my love, in what way comforts me as possible.

Then, Time, Energy and Money are the available tools for showing love. Money is just a tool of showing love. I must not give whole picture to this tool alone. What is important is my love-showing-tactics.

I'm feeling good that I've asked my friend more frankly. He responded generously.

I can build relationship only by talking to that person not by imagining things. When will I change?

Oh, yes I can measure the strength of a relationship. It depends mainly on how much frank or open you are to that person in your context.

Talk and solve the problem. I'll change.

Round figure

Round figure-the word has cost me 9 rupees.

In order to attend a meeting in kukatpally, i boarded a bus and ticket to that place is 11 rupees. I took out two ten rupee notes. He(the bust conductor) started demanding and lecturing me at the same time how could he run the bus without minimum change if take all the change he got. Of course I suspect that(bells rang). But, I shrugged. So, He wrote it on the back of the ticket that 9 rupees has to be returned . Thinking it as an insurance for my 9 rupees I took it happily .

I continued my journey which is of 40min. It usually takes more time than usual, envisage the hyderabad traffic.
So, when the my turn came to get down, I finally went to claim my 9 rupees by showing the ticket or waving more precisely . I can see his disgust face. He looked at me like I was asking his 9 rupees. He finally said " You ought to bring change , I don't have it " . (while searching his bag). I argued very politely ( may be because of my nature) " It's been 40 min, how come you don't have any change? " . It hit him, unknowingly or indirectly I demanded the honesty in previous dialogue of his. I can sense that I'm going to make a scene in the bus with him. (Seriously I feel awkward, a part of me said 'let it go'). He finally cut me off. " Then sit another 40 min and hope that I'll get enough coins."

I started cursing my self first at not handling the case well,of course i'm not a good talker. But, i want to change that way. My practice had failed, i felt. But a part of me started thinking.

Why the hell the price of a ticket would have to be like this ? If you've seen other ticket fares. 11,13,15,19,

I saw that all are odd numbers. Damn! how could the govt. has come down to these fares. I cursed the accountant who had used the methodology so perfect including taxes and all that. But thinking of the people or passengers, it's not fair. I'm not talking solely based on my facts. But, every other time most of the people won't have the exact fare. isn't it? . yes it is. so, the conductors should not be blamed , yes he was right from the first time. I understood. I thought some body would raise this concern and reach the ear of that accountant to understand the little little serious things.

At the end I got down, having a soft smile and listening to the new songs, headed for the meeting. From the stack of memories flashed . One is: Once the conductor stopped the bus and ordered me to get down , when i showed him the hundred rupee note for the ticket fare of 6 rupees. From now on I need to change and think of these change of coins ahead of the travel.