Memory

Some things better have an abrupt ending.
When you stop seeing someone you like,
Left are those cherished moments.
I read somewhere that we distort memories as time passes.
But when I look back, I liked everything that happened.
Even I liked having a row with her in a way.
Some things neither have an happy ending nor a sad one.
They just end abruptly. Just like that.

Ride

How to deal with future ? How to stop worrying and start refocussing? Generally these big questions can be thrown into a dust bin if they are about trifle things. Little things' certainty or predictability is of very less concern. But these questions take huge weight when your future has a one big decisive moment. I m going to attempt one of the toughest competitive exams in India this October. I left my previous job. So this CAT result is capable of carrying huge decisive potential. Worst and good results produce two different extremes of my future. So these thoughts haunt me daily. What if I m not gonna make it ? How will I receive that scenario ?

I remember some things from the book Notes from the underground by Fyodor Dostovesky. Man works hard and strives for an object but when he attains it , he doesn't have the same respect for it. What he likes is the process of getting it ? Surely its a deep thought. But consciously if I m gonna discard the object which I strived for , whats the point of striving hard then ?

There is a quote : Love the process not the outcome. How to love the process without thinking about the object ? Or outcome ?

Just watched the movie Gravity, there is a dialogue which had a magic effect on me. At one moment the character in film says "Two possibilities: one I m gonna make it to the earth , Two I will get burned in this... Either way IT WILL BE HELL OF A RIDE."

Enjoying the ride is the analogy for loving the process, I guess.

So sit back Raeez, enjoy your ride till your one shot decisive day arrives, whether you make it or not , it will be a good ride. Be strong as lady fortuna won't be always on your side buddy. Alright alright !

Lady Fortuna

These are random thoughts trying to dress up into words. I recently read an article about euthanasia, it showed an example of a lady nurse who got brutally raped and she had been in a vegetative state for four decades till now.

I m not thinking about Euthanasia. Randomness is disturbing my thoughts. She would have led her life like her friends or colleagues did till now, but bad luck hit her. Can I attribute it to bad luck ? Or should I ve to reasonable i.e., finding the real cause ? Bad luck is unpredictable. Lets say she had misfortune. Isn't it the pure randomness? Like anyone could have become the rape victim in that instant , but lady fortuna chose her.

I m thinking in this way of randomness because i don't believe in destiny and fate. Umm... perhaps it'd be better for my heart if I say "its her bad fate , its written" as it doesn't bother me because it will end the continuous questions of mine.

So bad luck ? It is. I feel lucky till now because I survived. When I recall there were many instances where i could have met with fatal accidents while driving, crossing roads. Lucky I am in my career wise too , as  I found job in finance field without any finance degree. Lucky so far.

This makes think of the question, 'how to deal with bad luck ? A big misfortune or a total unexpected U turn ? ' I sometimes think as a big pessimist.

Its more random. Our lives....